Time Boundaries | The Time Finder with Paula Eder

The Time Finder with Paula Eder

The way you use your time is the way you live your life.

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Find Time to Stay True to Your Time Boundaries

Posted on February 4, 2010 by Paula, under Ask Paula, Time Boundaries.

Finding time by setting time boundaries is a key component in your time management toolbox. But it’s not just a matter of setting those boundaries. You have to maintain them – and that’s not always easy!

Here’s a question that I received some time ago from Sara D in Maine:

“I have trouble maintaining the boundaries that I set around how I use my time. I set them and then I get talked out of them.”

This is not an uncommon problem by any means. Here are some quick tips that will help!

Be sure to decide, before going into a discussion with others about your boundaries, whether or not the boundaries you have set are negotiable or non-negotiable.
If they are negotiable, strive for a compromise that meets the needs of everyone involved.
If they are non-negotiable, courteously explain in the beginning that these boundaries probably won’t be modified in the short term, and explain why.

It’s always important to enlist the support of others as much as possible. When you ask the people in your life to support your boundaries, it’s a good idea to also assure them that you will be open to discussing and perhaps modifying your Boundaries if (or when) your current time requirements change.

This builds in room for flexibility down the road, and may be helpful to everyone (yourself included, perhaps) in respecting the boundary right NOW!

What do you think? Are you using time boundaries and staying true to them? Please feel invited to drop me a line – I’d love to hear … and respond!

What if you could find another hour every day? You can! You are invited to sign up for The Finding Time Success Kit. It’s FREE, and it provides you with key tools for your time success! Grab it and see how you can recharge your energy, reduce overwhelm and frustration, and come to learn that 24 hours really ARE enough!

Let’s explore time together …

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Find Time for Dessert!

Posted on November 26, 2009 by Paula, under Self-Care Time, Time Boundaries.

Finding time for our goals and priorities, our daily tasks and responsibilities … these are things that we all are challenged by and work hard at in our busy lives. Our baskets of time are often filled-to-overflowing, and when it comes to things-to-do, we live in a world of great plenty!

Indeed, we could spend all of our time chipping away at necessary tasks and never complete them!

“So,” you ask, “what about the small pleasures that life offers? How do I find time for them in the midst of all those tasks?”

Well, what I’d suggest is that you use planning, and time boundaries, and discipline!

Plan treats and rewards for yourself throughout your day to validate your efforts and recharge your batteries. (The treats don’t need to be edible … they can include things like a walk, a warm bath, a span of time for just surfing the web or for meditating – whatever gives you pleasure and energizes you.)

Time Boundaries help you follow through on your plan. If free time on the web is your reward, try using a timer so that you don’t run over, or short change yourself. If exercise is your pleasure, be sure to set aside enough time for all that’s involved. Don’t forget stretching, cooling down, a shower – everything!

Discipline keeps you on track. When that timer goes off, stop surfing and get back to whatever is next on your list! If it’s really dessert that’s your treat and you planned for one helping, don’t take two, no matter how tempting it may be!

When you know that you can trust yourself to respect the boundaries that you set and follow through on your plan with discipline, then you can relax and thoroughly enjoy your “dessert” – whatever form it may take!

Do you validate and reward yourself for your follow-through? I encourage you to make this a staple of your time management repertoire … and I’d love to hear how it goes for you!

Want to learn how to set effective boundaries to honor yourself, your time, and your relationships? You can ask for the time and space you need, and get it, too! Claim your FREE MP3, “Honoring Your Time With Boundaries”, and discover tools to move you toward a stronger self and stronger relationships! So, take your next step, click HERE and grab your MP3! When you sign up you will also receive (if you don’t already) our weekly Finding Time Tips, our monthly Award-Winning Finding Time E-zine, and our Finding Time Personal Boundary Template! All FREE – our gifts to you!

Let’s explore time together …

Find Time Boundaries: Say No and Improve Your Relationships!

Posted on November 18, 2009 by Paula, under Time Boundaries.

Finding time at any time of year is a challenge – and during the holidays it’s especially so.

You want everyone to enjoy themselves, and often, the most important people in your life are gathered in one place for a limited span of precious hours. It’s at times like these that it’s very tempting to say YES to every request and demand for your time. However, as I noted in a recent article on EzineArticles.com, here’s what can happen:

If you resist saying no to important people in your life, chances are you experience overwhelm. And this generates enormous stress!

Being in a state of overwhelm and stress during the holidays affects your (and everyone’s) enjoyment of the time you have together.

It doesn’t have to be that way – that’s the good news! Using time boundaries assertively (not aggressively) can help you recognize that your time is finite AND can help you find the time you need for your top priorities.

And here’s a benefit that you might find surprising! As you work to assertively communicate and follow through on your boundaries, you’ll also find that your relationships improve. This is because, while it may be difficult at first (in the way that all change can be difficult), setting boundaries helps clarify relationships and gives them the opportunity to deepen in authentic, meaningful ways.

In my article I offer 5 fundamental benefits that you’ll see in your relationships when you work on saying no in a “firm and friendly” way. Here’s one of them:

Being authentic encourages authenticity in others. By setting boundaries, you encourage others to clarify their priorities, in turn. Although this may be challenging at first, with practice, you learn how to negotiate to mutual satisfaction. This is one of the most important relationship skills!

Are you ready to try finding time and improving your relationships by exploring boundaries? We’ve got a very special offer to help you along the way! It expires tomorrow (Thursday 11/19/09) at 9PM (ET). You can learn more by grabbing our FREE MP3 (below). What do you think? I’d love to hear from you about how boundary-setting works in your life – and especially NOW!

Let’s explore time together …

Find Time for Boundaries and Self Care During the Holidays!

Posted on November 17, 2009 by Paula, under Self-Care Time, Time Boundaries.

Finding time as the holidays approach gets harder and harder, doesn’t it? This time of year, it’s so easy to let yourself get swept up and swept along in the rush and bustle.

That’s why it’s so important to plan ahead and schedule in some time to breathe! Your ability to enjoy the holidays and not feel depleted (and, ultimately, disappointed) depends on your ability to find ways to take care of yourself throughout the season.

My advice to you?

First and foremost, change your view of self care. It is not an indulgence, it is a responsibility.

Making self care your responsibility means that your next job is to find time for yourself. To do this, you’ll need to use your skills with setting, communicating, and following through on time and relationship boundaries.

I’d advise you to start small, especially if boundary-setting is relatively new to you. Begin with a boundary you know you’ll be able to maintain. Maybe try something like going for a 10-minute walk first thing in the morning. Communicate your boundary to those who need to know. Then follow through on your plan, validate your success, and build from that base.

Broken down into steps, it sounds pretty easy, doesn’t it? It’s important to start thinking about this and practicing now, because as the holidays get closer and closer, your life’s demands will accelerate and finding time will get harder.

The rewards for taking care of yourself using time and relationship boundaries are huge. Remember, self care is your responsibility no matter what the season. Start now, and enhance your holiday enjoyment while you find time!

What do you think? Do you use boundaries in your life? Are they a challenge for you? I’d love to hear what you think!

Let’s explore time together …

Find Time for Calm by De-Cluttering-3 Tips

Posted on November 11, 2009 by Paula, under Time Boundaries.

Finding time in the midst of “busyness” for a calm moment can be a little like finding clear space in a cluttered office. It can seem impossible – and I’m here to tell you that it’s a great gift that you can give to yourself – and it’s NOT impossible at all!

Yesterday my friend and colleague Wendy Battles wrote about how Clean Eating and De-Cluttering Support Optimal Health! Reflecting on how overwhelming clutter can be, she wrote:

For years, I’ve been in varying levels of disorganization that have left me feeling anxious, overwhelmed and less than healthy. I would spend my fair share of time thinking about my piles of paper and clutter, I’d obsess over how I could get on top of it once and for all, and I’d easily fall into a state of overwhelm.

Does that sound familiar? It can be a very challenging vicious cycle – AND it’s one that you can step into a break at any point. Remember, you hold the power!

Here are 3 key things to remember, when you decide that you want to carve out a calm moment or some clear space:

Start small. Don’t expect that you will be able to give yourself 2 free hours or a de-cluttered office right away. Go for 5-minutes of meditation or for organizing 3 file folders to start.

Celebrate every success! Validate yourself when you follow through. Pat yourself on the back for each accomplishment. This builds momentum, makes it fun, and reinforces a friendly relationship with yourself – all very important!

Build on what works. As you explore de-cluttering (whether it be your space or your time) you’ll develop systems, ways of communicating, and ‘tricks of the trade’ that work well for you. Be aware of these and use them often, adapting as circumstances change.

And, as you may have surmised, any effort to de-clutter or create space involves creating boundaries.

This goes. This stays.

Yes. No.

As you get better and better at setting, communicating, and following through on your boundaries, you’ll find yourself with more space and less clutter.

Is this something you’re moving toward? I’d love to hear how you are moving toward using time boundaries in your life.

Let’s explore time together …

Find Time to Give Your Life Shape with Boundaries

Posted on November 10, 2009 by Paula, under Time Boundaries.

Finding time to honor yourself, your time, and your relationships with boundaries is one of the most important time choices you can make in your life!

If you’re a reader of The Time Finder, you know that I often explore Time Boundaries here. That’s because boundaries (of any sort) are so fundamental to knowing who you are and what is important to you.

Boundaries define and give shape, wherever and whenever they are employed. Think about it. A person without boundaries has no distinct shape. He or she may seem very agreeable, saying yes to everything, indiscriminately. But what that “agreeableness” means, in reality, is that:

Genuine relationship is elusive at best. It’s difficult to get close to and interact intimately with this person, because you cannot know her/his values or preferences. If the answer to everything is “Yes” the person’s priorities and core values remain effectively hidden.

Disappointment is inevitable. It is impossible to get everything done – so this person’s “yes” is not meaningful. It may sound agreeable, but without the means to follow through, it will often lead to feeling let down.

Unfortunately, boundaries seem to be often seen as limiting. Reframing that, I would say that they are certainly defining. I would not call them limiting, however. They offer you traction as you move through your day (and your “To Do List”). Boundaries provide a very powerful way to take control of your time and your life so that you can live your values and focus your energy on your goals!

Be they time boundaries or relationship boundaries, using boundaries helps to give you shape – in much the same way that bones and muscle do.

The more you practice using boundaries, the better shape you’ll be in and the more stamina you’ll have for whatever life sends your way!

Are time and relationship boundaries a part of your repertoire as you move through your day? I’d love to hear how you are moving toward using time boundaries in your life.

Want to learn how to set effective boundaries to honor yourself, your time, and your relationships? You can ask for the time and space you need, and get it, too! Claim your FREE MP3 of “Honoring Your Time With Boundaries” – a recent teleclass – and discover tools to move you toward a stronger self and stronger relationships! To take your next step, click HERE and grab your MP3! When you sign up you will also receive (if you don’t already) our weekly Finding Time Tips, our monthly Award-Winning Finding Time E-zine, and our Finding Time Personal Boundary Template! All FREE – our gifts to you!

Let’s explore time together …

Find Time by Honoring Yourself and Your Time

Posted on November 5, 2009 by Paula, under Time Boundaries.

Is finding time a challenge for you? Do you feel like you give your time away, so that you never get to your own goals and priorities?

This is not an unusual situation. It is not a character flaw. No – it is a predicament that many struggle with, and one that, with practice, time tools, and skills, we can all conquer!

When you find yourself in a situation where others’ needs are usurping your time, take a step back and ask yourself whether you are honoring yourself and your time in the choices that you are making.

Stepping back is very helpful, in that it takes you out of reactive mode and allows you to see that your ARE making choices. This puts the power back into your hands.

Then ask yourself, What does it mean to honor myself and my time?

First and foremost, it does NOT mean being selfish. This is a trap that it’s easy to fall into – especially for women in our culture.

I see honoring yourself and your time as a personal responsibility. If you do not, you will be constantly depleted and will seldom, if ever, have the internal resources to bring your best self to the situations you encounter in your life.

In order to honor yourself and your time, you need to learn how to establish, communicate, and follow through on time boundaries.

Boundaries give shape to your life, and enable you to move from where you are to where you would like to be. Without boundaries, you simply can’t gain traction. Your sense of self will dwindle as your feelings of frustration and overwhelm increase.

Are time boundaries a part of your repertoire as you move through your day? I’d love to hear how you are moving toward using time boundaries in your life.

Want to learn how to set effective boundaries to honor yourself, your time, and your relationships? You can ask for the time and space you need, and get it, too! Claim your FREE MP3 of “Honoring Your Time With Boundaries” – a recent teleclass – and discover tools to move you toward a stronger self and stronger relationships! To take your next step, click HERE and grab your MP3! When you sign up you will also receive (if you don’t already) our weekly Finding Time Tips, our monthly Award-Winning Finding Time E-zine, and our Finding Time Personal Boundary Template! All FREE – our gifts to you!

Let’s explore time together …

Find Time by Maintaining Your Time Boundaries with a Timer

Posted on November 4, 2009 by Paula, under Time Boundaries.

Your efforts to find time are greatly enhanced when you know how much time you have planned for your activities AND you stick to your plan! If you don’t do that, one activity after another will overrun its allotted time, and you will fall further and further behind. What a recipe for stress and frustration!

It doesn’t have to be that way, though. Not at all!

Try this:

Buy yourself a small timer and, when you can, use it to remind you when the time allotted for a planned task has run out. This is especially helpful for things like computer work, where it’s easy to get caught up in tasks and lose track of time.

I find using a timer to be a very big help when it comes to focus. It allows me to really immerse myself in whatever I am working on, and not worry about losing track of time. I know that the beeping of my timer will bring me right back to the moment when my time is up. Then I’ll move on to my next task.

When I use my timer to help me maintain my time boundaries I am more focused and productive, without a doubt. Sticking to my planned boundaries also enhances my self-trust. I (and the others in my world) know that when I set a boundary I am going to follow through on it. This gives a boost to my self-discipline, self-esteem, AND the cooperation that I receive from others when I communicate a boundary.

There are just so many ways to benefit from using this small, practical tool!

Stay tuned for more, TOMORROW, from Finding Time, LLC about boundaries and the ways that using them can improve things in your world.

In the meantime, I encourage you to give timers a try! Please drop me a line and let me know how it goes for you … I’d love to hear!

What if you could find another hour every day? You can! You are invited to sign up and download The New Finding Time Personal Boundary Template. It’s FREE, and when you sign up you will also receive (if you don’t already) my FREE, weekly Finding Time Tips and my FREE, monthly Award-Winning Finding Time E-zine!

Let’s explore time together …

Find Time to Overcome Overload and Exhaustion

Posted on November 3, 2009 by Paula, under Time Boundaries.

Finding time for what matters most in today’s busy world can be a world class challenge!

Do you find yourself overwhelmed by the demands of your life?

Are you exhausted and depleted?

Would you like to be able to change all that?

Time boundaries are key! I’ve written a lot about time boundaries here on The Time Finder. They help you make time choices and stick to your time priorities. Using time boundaries, you learn to say “No” to spending time in certain ways, so that you can say “Yes” to the things you have prioritized.

Today I’d like to extend the notion of boundaries, because time is the coinage of our lives: it isn’t really something that you can isolate from everything else. When you set a time boundary, for example, it affects everything that it touches! Most especially, it affects your relationships with those closest to you – your family and friends, your co-workers.

The way you communicate your boundary, along with the quality of your follow-through, will not only define your success in the moment. It will also affect the response you receive when you set your next boundary. It’s a building process. The quality of each step ripples out and impacts both the next steps that you take, and the ways that your efforts are viewed by the people in your life.

For example, assertiveness in setting a boundary is more likely to bring you success than an aggressive, critical or “victimy” tone. (These are likely to elicit a rebellious response.)

When you are on overload, it is especially challenging (and important) to pay attention to your tone. Remember the ripple effect. Something like tone can seem like a small thing … but its impact on you and on others can be very, very powerful. All the more powerful, in fact, because if you are not tuned to it, it can seem very subtle!

Stay tuned for more on boundaries, as we get ready to launch a VERY SPECIAL OFFER here at The Time Finder. We’re excited to share more information with you SOON!

Do you generally pay attention to tone as you set boundaries and move through your day? I’d love to hear how this works for you.

Let’s explore time together …

Find Time to Honor Yourself and Your Relationships with Boundaries

Posted on October 21, 2009 by Paula, under Self-Care Time, Time Boundaries.

Finding time for what matters most, when we all have too much on our plates is a daily challenge for most of us.

It’s a challenge that is difficult for everyone – and can be made more difficult for women because so many of us are socialized to say “yes” to others’ needs and wants, almost without thinking. Indeed, many of us have grown up with the notion that self care is selfish. Couple that with the idea that we should be addressing everyone’s needs, and you can see how our plates quickly become full-to-overflowing!

Contrary to the myth that self care is selfish, I want to emphasize that self care is a core responsibility! If we do not care for ourselves, we cannot be available to others, it’s that simple.

Even further, constantly saying yes to others’ wants is damaging to relationships, because it depletes you, drains your energy, and ultimately leads to feelings of resentment (often unspoken). It is also disempowering of the other person, to always have you addressing his/her needs, especially if you are doing things that the person could do him/herself.

On the other hand, saying no to others’ demands, and establishing a boundary for yourself, can be a gift to everyone involved. It can find you more time, strengthen your relationships, and give you back control over your life!

Want to learn more? There’s still time to sign up for today’s FREE Teleclass on Honoring Our Time With Boundaries. I’ll be interviewed by Melissa McCreery as part of the celebration of Too Much on Her Plate Week.

That’s today, October 21 at 7PM ET. Please join us – it’s going to be an excellent class and I’d love to have you there!

Let’s explore time together …