boundary - The Time Finder with Paula Eder

The Time Finder with Paula Eder

The way you use your time is the way you live your life.

Find Time to Put a Little Love in Your Heart

Posted on February 14, 2012 by Paula, under Time and Energy, Time Boundaries.

Finding time for love is important. We can probably all agree on that. Yet in our busy everyday lives, love isn’t something that often has a slot on our To Do Lists. So, not surprisingly, it can get lost in the shuffle.

We focus on it at times … like Valentine’s Day … but then more pressing things intrude. Sound familiar?

And yet, finding time to put a little love in your heart is a foundational time choice that is key to your (and my) heart-based journey. It’s the underpinning to everything else that we do, whether it’s serving clients, spending time with friends and family, or (maybe most importantly) spending some time alone.

A heart that holds compassion can hold anything!

And the good news is that letting love into our hearts doesn’t take a lot of time – what it takes is creating some space for yourself and simply opening. (And opening your heart is a skill that you can develop and hone, with practice.)

Creating that space requires boundaries. It may not take a lot of time, but it does require some, so setting boundaries is key to giving yourself the opportunity to open. As I’ve shared in other posts, you need to be able to say “No” (i.e. have boundaries) in order to say “Yes”!

I’m very excited to be speaking at the Mompreneur Mojo 2012 Virtual Convention today about how “Unbeatable Heart-Based Boundary Tips Keep You Moving Easily Through Your Busy Day.” Sign up and tune in to learn more about how boundaries can help you create the life you want for yourself! It’s FREE and it’s going to be great!

And, in the meantime, set some boundaries and take a quiet moment today to open your heart with love and compassion. See what happens. See what changes. I know you’ll be refreshed and I think you’ll be surprised by what comes to you!

Are you interested in learning more about the Heart-Based Time Management™ Path? Here’s one way that you can transform and deepen your relationship to time in the Heart-Based Way … I invite you to explore Secrets of Heart-Based Time Management™ – my chapter in the book I co-authored - Stepping Stones to Success! In it I share my proven system for exploring and harnessing the power of your mind, your body and your spirit to help you deepen your experience of time and of your life.

As you work with the ideas I offer, you’ll explore your patterns, clarify your values, identify and prioritize your goals … and create your path for achieving them. You can give yourself the gift of this wonderful resource today, and get started on your journey toward success, Stepping Stone by Stepping Stone …just click this link to get the details!

Let’s explore time together …

Find Time to Be Yourself, Respect Yourself, and Do What You Can: 3 Timely Tips-Part 1 (thetimefinder.com)
Find Time to Celebrate and Feel Grateful (thetimefinder.com)
Find Time to Create Quiet-Some Timely Thoughts (thetimefinder.com)

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Find Time to Respect Yourself-When No Means Yes to You!

Posted on December 28, 2011 by Paula, under Time Boundaries.

As we find time to reflect and round out 2011, I have enjoyed using the following 3 quotations as a springboard.

Today let’s take a closer look at that second of the three:

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind. Dr. Seuss

Self-respect is the fruit of discipline; the sense of dignity grows with the ability to say no to oneself. Abraham Joshua Heschel

I am only one; but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but I still can do something. I will not refuse to do the something I can do. Helen Keller

When it comes to being able to really, fundamentally respect yourself and your goals, knowing when to say no to yourself is one of the best skills you can cultivate. And this is a boundary skill.

So often we think of boundaries as having to do with other people. Those are external boundaries, and your skillfulness at setting and maintaining them will help you find the time you need relative to others.

You also need strong internal boundaries to support you in your life’s journey. Internal boundaries are relative to YOU and involve things like how much TV you watch or how much time you spend on the internet. These are time choices that involve you alone.

While we tend to think of “Yes” as an affirmative response, when it comes to your goals and time priorities, I encourage you to reframe each “No” as an affirmation. That’s because attaining your goals and being true to yourself most likely involves the discipline of saying No to many, many distractions along the way.

Remember the proverb: “If you chase two rabbits, you will lose them both.” So, respect yourself and the goals that you value with each and every affirmative “No.”

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Success is within your reach, so don’t wait, click this link and get started today! http://bit.ly/FreelanceTips

Find Time to Free Yourself from the Perfectionism Trap-Your Heart Holds the Keys! (thetimefinder.com)
Find Time to Survive and Thrive Through Every Transition Time! (thetimefinder.com)
Find Time to Transform Your Feelings About Time by Tuning in to the Words You Use to Describe It (thetimefinder.com)

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Find Time to Create Quiet-Some Timely Thoughts

Posted on December 26, 2011 by Paula, under Time Boundaries.

Finding time to take a breath can be one of the most challenging undertakings in your daily life. And yet, it is also one of the most rejuvenating gifts you can ever give yourself. So, the question is, how can you create quiet for yourself in your daily life?

In thinking about this. let’s start by reflecting on the recent holidays. Did you notice that there were pockets of quiet? I know that I did. The volume of e-mail was way down, the phone rang less, Facebook was quieter, and it seemed like many people were ‘unplugged’ and living their moments the old fashioned way.

So, how did that feel to you? Would you like to be able to create quiet like that for yourself more often?

I know that I felt refreshed, energized, and appreciative of the break. It served as a reminder that I can create quiet in my life any time that I want to. All it requires is that I set and maintain some boundaries for myself.

Time boundaries may be something that you need to communicate to others (i.e. when you need to unplug or shut the door and have time to focus) or they may be something that you need to assert internally (i.e. when you limit your on-line time or create and follow through on an exercise regimen).

Either way, time boundaries can help you create quiet in your life – or create space for whatever your heart desires. As far as gifts go, time boundaries may be just about the best thing going.

So consider giving yourself this present … for your present … as you embark on a New Year!

Ready to get started? Here’s a great way to explore avenues to increasing your time skills and heart-based power – whether it’s in your business, or your personal life. I am so pleased to be able to offer my expertise and support as The Official SelfGrowth.com Guide to “Time Management”.

You can visit by clicking the link, and when you do you’ll find lots of time management articles by experts in the field, along with a vibrant and welcoming on-line community. Stop by my Expert Page and leave a comment or question … or just say hello. There are lots of ways to connect … I’d love to get started!

Find Time to Create a Morning Ritual: The Heart-Based Way to Start Your Day! (thetimefinder.com)
Finding Time for Genuine, Heart-Based Holidays (thetimefinder.com)

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Finding Time Can Mean Saying No, Even When You’re Scared to Death!

Posted on April 12, 2011 by Paula, under Time Boundaries.

Finding time might begin for you, today, with finding the courage to say No. Maybe your schedule and To Do List are jam-packed, and adding one more thing will throw everything else out-of-whack. But saying no to a request (or a demand) for your time can present challenges.

Sometimes, refusing to engage in low-priority activities and commitments is quite easy, isn’t it? You’re direct and you set limits clearly. Furthermore, the results speak for themselves. You exercise positive control over much of your day.

But every so often, the refusal may get caught in your throat. Your chest tightens, and… you’re just scared to death to say no.

How do you handle situations like this when they arise in your life now? Try a quick quiz to broaden your understanding of how you approach stressful demands. Note how often you resort to each of these actions, using “0″ for “never” and 5 for “always”:

“When I feel scared to death to say No, I:

_____ Push my misgivings aside and charge blindly ahead.

_____ Mutter about how impossible the other person is.

_____ Criticize myself for feeling so apprehensive.

_____ Hint that my refusal is the other person’s fault.

_____ Postpone the big talk until the ideal time, like never.”

If your score is 0-5, saying No isn’t much of a problem for you – unless you’ve figured out yet another self-defeating stratagem to avoid the issue!

But what if your score is higher? In that case, your avoidance of saying No probably hurts you even more than you comprehend. Anger simmers, and relationships and self-esteem become more fragile. Over time, anxieties compound. Paralyzing fear takes quite a toll.

There’s another way to handle this impasse. To do so, you must break outworn promises you made to yourself long ago!

Today we’ll explore 3 powerful questions to help break the chokehold that fear has on your assertiveness. Ask them as often as you need to. And let the answers bubble up, as you listen to each response. They will be brimming with useful information for you!

Ask yourself:

1. What is the origin of my fear of saying No? Compassionately see the younger you, who had fewer options than you do now. Think how much stronger and more autonomous you are today! Is there any friendly message that you can offer to the part of you that is stuck in the past?

2. What made silence my safest choice back then? Perhaps your course of action really was the best option you had at the time. At any rate, it can be helpful to understand how your current difficulty is based in approaches that once made a lot of sense to you. You are then much less likely to judge yourself as weak. Also, consider how circumstances have changed.

3. How does this fear of saying No trap me now? Seeing all the ways your old promises to yourself hold you back helps you replace your outworn approach with a more appropriate one.

Does this help as you strive to set meaningful time boundaries and find more time? Stay tuned … in an upcoming post, we’ll explore 3 simple strategies for putting these fears behind you!

Are you inspired to find time and increase your effectiveness, efficiency and enjoyment?

Then, I invite you to explore Secrets of Heart-Based Time Management – my chapter in the book I co-authored – Stepping Stones to Success! In it I share my proven system for harnessing the power of your mind, your body and your spirit to help you explore your patterns, clarify your values, identify and prioritize your goals … and create your path for achieving them.

The in depth interviews contained in this book provide practical and heart-based ideas to get you moving as you embrace yourself and your own uniqueness!

You can give yourself the gift of this wonderful resource today, and get started on your journey toward success, Stepping Stone by Stepping Stone … just click this link to get the details!

What if you could find another hour every day? You can! You are invited to sign up for your FREE Finding Time Success Kit. It puts 3 key tools for your time success right into your hands! Grab it and see how you can recharge your energy, reduce overwhelm and frustration, and come to learn that 24 hours really ARE enough!

Let’s explore time together …

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Find Time by Changing the Steps of the Dance – Gracefully

Posted on December 22, 2010 by Paula, under Time Boundaries.

Finding time to take a new step forward doesn’t have to mean two steps backward, as the saying goes. No indeed … but whenever you do something new, any number of interactions may shift, subtly or dramatically, in response. A step forward by you can transform how you move through your moments … and your day. And to borrow another adage (one that I prefer in this context), “When the steps change, so does the dance.”

I just love the proactivity and creativity of thinking about it this way! When you’re setting time boundaries to find more time, you’re really taking positive control when you factor in time to establish a new dance … gracefully. Fewer toes will get stepped on – and your progress will be that much smoother!

Setting a new time boundary will often initiate a chain reaction. That’s because change, whether large or small, disrupts the invisible network of understandings that have evolved over time. Any number of “deals”, real or imagined, may underlie your old arrangements. Most are not articulated and many may not even be consciously understood.

So, as you initiate changes, be prepared for others to renegotiate their end of things, too. Accepting this in advance means you won’t be surprised by it. It’ll be a new step in the dance!

Do your best to not personalize their choices, and to know that this dance is fluid and evolving. The steps are not set in stone; and all that you have control over is your end of it. The more practical and cooperative you are, the better your chances for a successful transition to a new dance.

Before you set new boundaries, prepare for discussions to work out details. Sort out where you want to actively sponsor certain ideas, and where others can exercise initiative. Here are some good questions to ask yourself as you get started:

In what areas can you move ahead independently?
What issues require consensus?
What sort of consensus and cooperation will be needed?
What falls within your area of responsibility?
What outcomes can you let go of?
Where are you willing to compromise?
What is non-negotiable?

Many win/win options may exist! So consider doing some extensive brainstorming before setting boundaries that change the steps in your dances significantly. Then you’ll be well prepared to craft satisfying resolutions.

How do you set time boundaries in your life now? How has this impacted the dance of your days? I’d love to hear your experiences with this … and what you think!

Let’s explore time together …

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Find Time When You Need It: Learn to Set Successful Time Boundaries

Posted on December 21, 2010 by Paula, under Time Boundaries, Time Choices.

Finding Time when you need it often boils down to a matter of saying “No” to one thing in order to say “Yes” to another.

These choices don’t necessarily involve other people. Maybe you are contemplating an internal time boundary – one where you need to let go of an old pastime so that you can create space in your life for a new interest or project. Or maybe it’s an external boundary and you find that you are dreading saying that “No” to others whose cooperation you’d really like.

Either way, here’s a tip that I find very helpful:

Successful time boundaries = Specific time boundaries.

Being as specific as possible about the boundary helps because it provides a frame for the change that you are initiating. Change can be a challenge – and it’s a lot easier to navigate new territory when the parameters are clearly defined.

For example, let’s say you are working on creating your Power Sanctuary. This is a change for you and, perhaps, for the people in your circle. Knowing exactly when your private time starts and when you’ll be available again helps define the size and shape of the change.

A clear time boundary relieves anxiety about the unknown for others … and maybe for you as well. In addition, knowing that you have set aside uninterrupted time will help you feel more relaxed and focused in the moment. So when you are planning to take time for yourself (or for anything that requires a time boundary), spell out the time frame you have in mind.

Setting clear-cut time boundaries sends a number of important messages. And, again, these are messages that may be as important for you to hear and assimilate as for others in your life!

It shows you’ve given this step plenty of thought.

It indicates that you intend to follow through.

It demonstrates that you know when your time choices affect others.

Clear boundaries enable you to follow through in a way that’s easy to see. When you follow through consistently, you are showing respect, strengthening trust, and nurturing good will.

Finally, it pays to do some homework before setting a time boundary. If you’re embarking on a new enterprise, see how realistically you can estimate the time involved.

So, if you’re staring a project, figure out how much time you will need to plan, get supplies, solve problems, and complete the work to your satisfaction. When estimating the time, be generous with yourself, and remember the Times Two Rule! It’s so much more satisfying to finish ahead of schedule than it is to run late and risk inconveniencing others. – undermining that trust and good will you had been building!

Finally – what’s the greatest thing about setting specific (and successful) time boundaries? Each time you practice this skill, you’ll feel encouraged to exercise still more positive power over your time. As you build your boundary-setting skills you’ll enjoy an upward spiral of success!

Do you find it challenging to set and maintain time boundaries? Why not give it a try this week? Start with something small and very specific … and let me know how it goes. I’d love to hear!

Let’s explore time together …

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