Time as We Age - The Time Finder with Paula Eder

The Time Finder with Paula Eder

The way you use your time is the way you live your life.

Archive for 'Time as We Age'

Finding Time to Enjoy the Ride: 5 Timely Tips about Time and Aging!

Posted on January 24, 2012 by Paula, under Time as We Age.

Finding time to enjoy the passage of time is a wonderful skill to develop. It involves self-awareness, compassion, and a good measure of letting go.

Who forces time is pushed back by time; who yields to time finds time on his side. The Talmud

There are certain times – like the beginning of a New Year or the arrival of a birthday or other anniversary – that can bring the march of time to the forefront of our consciousness. How do you feel when you come to one of those places?

I believe it’s so important to appreciate and embrace the process and experience of aging.

These tips will provide some helpful stepping stones for you.

Keep in mind that your process of aging occurs over time. It doesn’t happen all at once, though it can sometimes sneak up and surprise you! Review the last few months. Can you identify the incremental changes you’ve experiences in your energy or your efficiency? Rather than worry about this, use your new clarity to understand that these changes are a natural part of living. You don’t have to be surprised by them.
Avoid denial. This goes right along with #1. Be compassionate and direct (a very powerful combination) with yourself as you take in the fact that you move more slowly and it takes you longer to get things done. It can be tempting to deny the reality of these changes and to tell yourself that things will return to ‘normal’ once you are less tired or stressed. But this keeps you on the defensive and sets you up for ‘surprises’ (see #1). You can exercise positive control by listing those tasks that now take you longer to complete … and then planning accordingly.
Don’t react with anger or frustration. This might feel powerful, but in reality it does nothing but keep you stuck! It’s important to HAVE your feelings, but encourage them to flow, rather than letting them churn in whirlpools. Staying stuck in anger or frustration diverts valuable energy from examining how you can adjust to your new pace. Once you’ve let the natural feelings out, use your creativity and challenge yourself. You can craft new ways to maintain your productivity while accepting that the time required to do so may expand.
Don’t stay stuck in grief. Grief, like your anger, needs to flow. That’s how you make way for the new. If your self-esteem is linked to high productivity and accomplishment, you may initially feel like you’ve ‘hit a wall’ as you slow down. However, as you acknowledge your grief and let it flow, you will find that aging opens new gateways. If you look forward, not back, and accept your real losses (and honor your accomplishments) you can reframe this as a time to stretch, savor, and celebrate what truly matters.
Use humor. Simply put, humor humanizes. Try to approach your and your friends’ complaints about the changes that aging brings with empathy and a humorous anecdote (or two)! You see, negativity is highly contagious, but so is a pragmatic view, softened by humor! Create an environment of acceptance … and see how it changes everything.

Want to learn more about how you can grow and optimize your time and efforts … in whatever areas you choose? Here’s a great way to explore avenues to increasing your time skills and heart-based power – whether it’s in your business, or your personal life. I am so pleased to be able to offer my expertise and support as The Official SelfGrowth.com Guide to “Time Management”.

You can visit by clicking the link, and when you do you’ll find lots of time management articles by experts in the field, along with a vibrant and welcoming on-line community. Stop by my Expert Page and leave a comment or question … or just say hello. There are lots of ways to connect … I’d love to get started!

Find Time to Be Yourself, Respect Yourself, and Do What You Can: 3 Timely Tips-Part 1 (thetimefinder.com)
Find Time to Celebrate Clarity and Realism this Holiday Season (thetimefinder.com)
Find Time to Adjust to Aging – Just Ask Paula! (thetimefinder.com)

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Find Time to Adjust to Aging – Just Ask Paula!

Posted on October 26, 2011 by Paula, under Ask Paula, Time as We Age.

Finding time to get everything done is always a challenge. And it’s a challenge that can be heightened as we adjust, each of us, to our own aging processes.

How do you adjust to aging? Is it an issue that you grapple with?

Here’s a timely question that we recently received from Martha J. in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma:

Dear Paula,

I think I have accepted the fact that I am slower to accomplish my everyday tasks than I used to be. I also try to be creative in experimenting with new ways to get the work done as quickly as is now feasible.

The only time I get depressed is when my adult children comment on my diminished capacity. I realize they are joking, but it still hurts, and I often feel angry and depressed after they leave. What do you suggest?

Sincerely,

Martha J.

And here’s my response to Martha …

Dear Martha,

Thanks for your question. You’re dealing with a very common problem.

The fact that it’s common means that there’s a lot of shared wisdom about how to cope. And that’s not to diminish the fact that the challenges we each face in this area have their own very individual flavors, as well.

The key is to shift your own focus away from what others express and back to how you experience your current situation. That is where all of your power lies.

Ask yourself how you feel about how you are managing. Are there things you’d like to be able to do more quickly? Maybe you can address that. Are there ways that your new pace feels comfortable and even enjoyable to you? When you are grounded in your own feelings and experience, the comments that others make will feel less like criticisms or ‘pronouncements’ and more like what they are: comments.

Work to take your ego out of the equation and focus on the humor. Recognize the teasing for what it is. If you are comfortable doing it, give it right back!

On the other hand, if you are not comfortable with the banter, deflect any barb in their comments with a smile and a truthful response.

You might also choose to share honestly about changes you have noticed in yourself. Sometimes others’ humor is a cover for their own uneasiness; so an honest conversation might be a relief for everyone.

The more fully you accept your reality, the less you will feel knocked off course if someone teases you. You can starve self-pity by validating to yourself all that you accomplish, despite the changes or setbacks you face.

It is important to see the glass half full. After all, aging is the best alternative!

Warmest regards,

Paula

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I invite you to explore Secrets of Heart-Based Time Management - my chapter in the book I co-authored - Stepping Stones to Success! In it I share my proven system for exploring and harnessing the power of your mind, your body and your spirit to help you deepen your experience of time and of your life.

As you work with the ideas I offer, you’ll explore your patterns, clarify your values, identify and prioritize your goals … and create your path for achieving them. You can give yourself the gift of this wonderful resource today, and get started on your journey toward success, Stepping Stone by Stepping Stone …just click this link to get the details!

Let’s explore time together …

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Find Time to Appreciate the Experience of Aging

Posted on August 9, 2011 by Paula, under Time as We Age.

Finding time to appreciate the experience of aging can be a challenge, but it’s certainly one well worth taking on. As the month of August is my birth-month, and I contemplate turning another year older, I find my thoughts turning to the experience of aging and how it has required letting go, as well as opening up new vistas for me.

These 5 timely tips will help you as you make this journey for yourself. Think of them as stepping stones and remember that there is no “right” or “wrong” about this. This is YOUR journey and YOUR experience of aging. Likewise, adapt these tips as you experiment and discover what works for YOU!

5 Tips to Help You Appreciate the Experience of Aging

The process of aging occurs over time. Aging may sneak up and surprise you, but you don’t want to set yourself up that way! Review the last few months. Can you identify the incremental changes in your efficiency? Use your new clarity to understand that these changes are a natural part of living and work to ground yourself in them.

Avoid denial. Compassionately and directly confront the realization that you move more slowly, and that it takes you longer to complete even familiar activities. It’s a temptation to deny the reality of these life changes, and to tell yourself that things will return to their normal pace once you are less tired or stressed. However, this keeps you on the defensive. Instead, assert positive control by listing those tasks that now take you longer to complete. Then strategize accordingly.

Don’t react with anger or frustration. Encourage your feelings to flow, rather than churn in whirlpools. Staying stuck in anger or frustration diverts valuable energy. Redirect this flow and start examining how you can adjust to your new pace. Use your creativity and challenge yourself. Craft new and enjoyable ways to maintain your desired productivity, while accepting that the time required overall may be longer.

Don’t stay stuck in grief. Grief, too, needs to flow and then make way for the new. If you associate high productivity and accomplishment with your core self-esteem, you may initially feel like you’ve ‘hit a wall’ as you slow down. However, aging opens new gateways, if you look forward, not back. As you genuinely accept your real losses and honor your accomplishments, you can re-frame this as a time to stretch, savor, and celebrate what truly matters.

Use humor. Humor humanizes. Try to approach your friends’ complaints about the changes to their productivity with empathy and a humorous anecdote of your own. Negative attitudes are highly contagious, but a pragmatic view, softened by humor, creates an environment of acceptance.

The experience of aging is an ever-changing one. When you approach it with compassion, realism, and your heart-based toolkit in hand, you’ll find it to be a rich and enriching developmental phase.

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Let’s explore time together …

Find Time to Greet Your Aging and Avoid 3 Time Traps! (thetimefinder.com)
Healthy Aging, Happy Aging (everydayhealth.com:80)

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Find Time to Greet Your Aging and Avoid 3 Time Traps!

Posted on July 27, 2011 by Paula, under Time as We Age, Transitions and Time.

Finding time to greet the transitions of aging is a topic that many who write about time will tend to shy away from.

Ours is not a culture that is welcoming of the aging process. And that’s understandable, as wrapped in our aging is our mortality. But denial never helps. And in reality, there are few things as rewarding as:

Finding time to accommodate changes as you age, and

Finding time to achieve true contentment as you grow to meet these essential challenges.

Aging is one of those sneaky surprises. Intellectually, you know that with each birthday you grow older. However, some of the consequences of growing older can creep up on you, giving you an emotional jolt and leaving you without a plan, or even without the time required to make the necessary adjustments. When you find yourself in that spot, you know you’ve fallen into a time trap!

For example – does it seem that, as you age, projects ’suddenly’ take much longer to complete? Of course, the slowdown has actually been occurring gradually over some period of time. But your realization of the reality of slowing down can seem to come out of the blue.

The challenge, when you find yourself in this kind of a situation is to avoid three types of reactions that are really Time Traps because they keep you from living your moments as fully as possible:

First, avoid denial. It is tempting, when you first realize that it takes you longer to complete a task, to think this is a one-time occurrence and that if you simply focus and work harder, your original efficiency will return. It’s a time trap to behave as if something is going to return to the way it was when it probably won’t.

Second, avoid becoming entrenched in anger and frustration. This is a natural initial response, but as you grow angrier and more frustrated, you also become slower and less accurate. This time trap creates a vicious cycle in which your frustration grows as your efficiency and effectiveness dwindle

Third, don’t remain mired in sadness. It is important, of course, to grieve the loss of your former level of efficiency as you work to embrace your new reality. By acknowledging and accepting this, you gain clarity about your options. Expressing your grief is one of the most freeing, cleansing, and deepening experiences that you can give yourself. The time trap comes into it if your grief is persistent and debilitating.

The difficulty that accompanies denial, chronic resentment, or despondency is that these responses limit your ability to make functional and appropriate time choices.

A much more fruitful and enriching path is to take the heart-based time management approach. Acknowledge your feelings of loss, and express them in appropriate ways within appropriate contexts. Then prepare to resolve the issues that arise. This balanced approach will keep you grounded and aware. It will enable you to maintain clarity and problem-solve effectively, to move forward, and to feel good about what you accomplish.

That is your challenge as you greet your aging and avoid the time traps that can accompany this process – or really any process that involves loss! (And really, when you step back and think about it, this applies to ANY change – where there are always gains and losses … things to greet and things to grieve.)

So, how are you greeting your aging – or other changes that you may be challenged by? Drop me a line … I’d love to hear your challenges, questions, and successes!

Let’s explore time together …