Courageous boundaries? Really?
Yes, because sometimes it’s hard to say no.
Indeed, for many people, saying no is quite difficult. Competing priorities clamor for attention and sorting that all out often means setting some courageous boundaries.
Maybe your schedule and To-Do List are jam-packed, and adding one more thing will throw everything else out-of-whack. But saying no to a request or a demand for your time can present big challenges.
Yes, sometimes, refusing to engage in low-priority activities and commitments is easy. You’re direct and you set limits clearly. Furthermore, the results speak for themselves. You exercise positive control over much of your day.
But it’s not always easy.
Every so often, that ‘no’ may get caught in your throat. Your chest tightens, and, for whatever reason, you’re just scared to death to say no.
And that’s where courageous boundaries come in.
How do you handle situations like this when they come up in your life now? Here’s a quick quiz to broaden your understanding of how you approach stressful demands. Note how often you resort to each of these actions, using “0” for “never” and 5 for “always”:
When I feel afraid to say ‘no’ I:
_____ Push my misgivings aside and charge blindly ahead.
_____ Mutter about how impossible the other person is.
_____ Criticize myself for feeling so apprehensive.
_____ Hint that my refusal is the other person’s fault.
_____ Postpone the big talk until the ideal time, which is never.
If your score is 0-5, saying, setting a courageous boundary by saying no isn’t much of a problem for you.
But what if your score is higher?
In that case, your avoidance of saying ‘no’ probably hurts you even more than you comprehend. Anger simmers, and relationships and self-esteem become more fragile. Over time, anxieties compound. This level of fear and frustration takes a significant toll.
So start setting courageous boundaries.
To do so, you must break outworn promises you made to yourself long ago.
I’ve got 3 powerful questions for you. They’ll help break the chokehold that fear has on your assertiveness.
Ask them as often as you need to. And let the answers bubble up, as you listen to each response. They will be brimming with useful information for you.
1. What is the origin of my fear of saying No?
Compassionately see the younger you, who had fewer options than you do now. Think about how much stronger and more autonomous you are today. Is there any friendly message that you can offer to the part of you that is stuck in the past?
2. What made silence my safest choice back then?
Perhaps your course of action really was the best option you had at the time. At any rate, it can be helpful to understand how your current difficulty is based on approaches that once made a lot of sense to you. You are then much less likely to judge yourself as weak. Also, consider how circumstances have changed.
3. How does this fear of saying No trap me now?
Seeing all the ways your old promises to yourself hold you back helps you replace your outworn approach with a more appropriate one.
Does this help as you strive to set courageous boundaries and find more time?
What step will you take today to get started?
For more help…
Sometimes the boundaries you need to set are with yourself.
So, are you ready to empower yourself?
Use this powerful Checklist with 15 simple steps to set and maintain strong, clear internal boundaries. The Inner Boundary Checklist helps you follow through on what you say you will do.
Click this link to give yourself this complimentary tool today.
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