Hard Feelings — How They Offer Lessons and Energy

fear and strength
Hard feelings offer insights and energy.

Hard feelings are, well, hard. They often eat up your time and your energy.

Indeed, managing your time involves managing your energy.

And one of the biggest energy drains around is the tendency to shy away from hard feelings. Whether it’s fear or anger or confusion or sadness, your hard feelings present themselves to you for a reason.

Avoidance eats up time and saps energy, and it keeps you stuck right where you are. Conversely, exploring what your feelings have to offer is a brave choice that opens lots of doors for you.

I recently wrote about this in an article titled Time Management Tips – Your Golden Key to Initiate Effective Changes in Tough Times.

Don’t avoid hard feelings.

Challenging feelings may arise when sudden change disrupts the routines and patterns that you have created in your life.  The terrain is suddenly unfamiliar and you may feel lost and disoriented.  It is a natural human tendency to want to avoid these feelings.  However, as Carl Jung states:

“Not around, but through.”

Once you take in the fact that it is an illusion (and a debilitating one at that) to think that you can get “around” a difficult feeling, you are more than halfway there.

Let them out…

The next step is to create time in your day to let your feelings out and explore them. You may choose to do this yourself or with a friend, a coach, or a mentor. 

You will be surprised at the possibilities that open themselves to you as you do this.

Initially, you may have no idea how your own time choices must change to become more effective. But as you relax, your alertness increases. By accepting that even profound challenges and losses are a part of life, you mobilize yourself to analyze your time choices, so you can align them with your values as well as the situation you now face.

Use affirmations to validate and encourage yourself.

As you open to your feelings – especially those challenging ones that your first impulse is to avoid – here are some affirmations that you can carry with you. 

They remind you of the core importance of this exploration that you are undertaking. AND they strengthen and encourage you along the way.

  • Discomfort serves as an essential catalyst.
  • All change requires moving beyond one’s comfort zone.
  • Compassion and responsibility go hand in hand.
  • Gratitude helps broaden your perspective.
  • Your promise lies in growth.

So, how do you deal with hard feelings now? And how would you like to change that?

Try setting aside some time, a few times a week, to begin practicing this skill. And how will you get started on that today?

Here’s more help for you…

We all have voices that chatter at us throughout the day. The Inner Critic is one of them. Learning to recognize (and counter) this destructive voice is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself.

You see, the Inner Critic is a negative, debilitating, and constant presence in your life.  And it’s not just the words. It’s the judgmental tone, the rolling eyes, and the scolding wag of the index finger. Beyond sapping your energy and confidence, your Inner Critic robs you of time and profoundly distorts how you see others and how you feel about yourself. So, what can you do? 

Give yourself a big boost with my Exercise and Guide Book titled “These Critical Voices Are Driving Me Crazy!” How to Use Positive Self-Talk to Save Your Sanity and Your Time! Part of my popular Voices Package, this E-Guide offers simple, practical exercises, checklists, and tips for learning to recognize and counter the critical voices that disrupt and hurt you.

“This guidebook is by a secret genius as far as I’m concerned.
Her name is Paula Eder and she is absolutely brilliant
when it comes to how to be in relationship with self and
how to be in relationship with time.”
Heather Dominick 

You hold the power to make conscious choices about the kinds of messages you give yourself. As you exercise this power, you’ll develop new clarity and confidence – and transform your time.

“These Critical Voices Are Driving Me Crazy!” opens the door and gives you a roadmap, so don’t wait. Click this link to learn more about the Voices Package and get started on your empowering journey today.


  1. Dear Paula, thank you for this reflection. As for so many, these are challenging times both personally and professionally for me. I find myself trying to micromanage to keep in control, but I am also finding that by accepting “hard feelings,” I do have more energy–and less fear. And yes, I also have been learning a lot about myself. All the best to you and the Time Finder community as we all deal with these hard feelings in these challenging times.

    • Thank you for sharing this, David.

      I appreciate your observation about ‘trying to micromanage to keep in control.’ It’s a natural and frequent response to difficult situations. And it tends to be ineffective and exhausting. I am so glad that you are discovering your path to ‘more energy and less fear.’

      All my best,


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