Do you feel afraid when you say no?
When you say no one of the things you are doing is creating space for yourself.
And sometimes saying no requires first finding courage.
Maybe your schedule and to-do list are jam-packed, and adding one more thing will throw everything else out-of-whack. But even so, when you say no, you may feel like you are breaking a rule.
Indeed, saying no to a request (or a demand) for your time can present challenges.
Sometimes, refusing to engage in low-priority activities and commitments is quite easy, isn’t it? You’re direct and you set limits clearly. Furthermore, the results speak for themselves. You exercise positive control over much of your day.
But sometimes, when you say no…
Every so often, fear may take hold. Your chest tightens, and you’re afraid to say no.
How do you handle situations like this when they arise in your life now?
Here’s a quick quiz to broaden your understanding of how you approach stressful demands. Note how often you resort to each of these actions:
When I’m afraid to say no, I:
_____ Push my misgivings aside and charge blindly ahead.
_____ Mutter about how impossible the other person is.
_____ Criticize myself for feeling so apprehensive.
_____ Hint that my refusal is the other person’s fault.
_____ Postpone the big talk until the ideal time, like never.
What do your answers tell you?
How does your avoidance of saying no get in your way?
There’s another way to handle this…
Here are 3 questions to help you break the chokehold that fear has on your assertiveness. Ask them as often as you need to. And let the answers bubble up, as you listen to each response. They will be brimming with useful information for you. Ask yourself:
What is the origin of my fear of saying No?
Compassionately see the younger you, who had fewer options than you do now. Think how much stronger and more autonomous you are today. Is there any friendly message that you can offer to the part of you that is stuck in the past?
What made silence my safest choice back then?
Perhaps your course of action really was the best option you had at the time. At any rate, it can be helpful to understand how your current difficulty is based in approaches that once made a lot of sense to you. You are then much less likely to judge yourself as weak. Also, consider how circumstances have changed.
How does this fear of saying No trap me now?
Seeing all the ways your old promises to yourself hold you back helps you replace your outworn approach with a more appropriate one.
Does this help as you strive to set meaningful time boundaries and find more time? Are you inspired to find time and increase your effectiveness, efficiency, and enjoyment?
What will be your first step, today?
More help for when you say no…
Setting and maintaining boundaries is a skill that makes everything else in your life possible. And it’s a difficult challenge for lots of smart, motivated people. People like you. “Your Secret Power: How to Honor Your Time and Claim Your Space with Boundaries” gently steers you to a more profound understanding of where and how your boundary-setting efforts get short-circuited. Not only that, but it helps you establish the boundaries you need to unlock the door to your freedom. Boundary-setting is a skill that’s learnable, doable and definitely within your reach. And the strategies, tips and exercises in “Your Secret Power” help you discover how to:
- Set and maintain boundaries to enhance your productivity and, yes, make more money;
- Recharge your energy so you have the time and freedom to do what you value and what you’d like to do in your life; and
- Learn how to say no, which opens the door to your next big Yes.
Ready to start using boundaries to maximize your time and energy? Click the link below to learn more about this transformative time tool and the bonuses that come with it:
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