Your best boundaries are the ones that stick.
Your best boundaries are the ones that you set and then maintain. Boundary setting is a skill that can be a challenge for many.
And time management tips help make you more effective. One key is to learn how to relate assertively without lapsing into aggressiveness. The line may be a thin one, but staying on the right side of it can protect you from painful backlashes.
What is your personal experience with setting boundaries so far? Take a quick quiz to see where you stand when it comes to setting your best boundaries:
Will Your Boundaries Be Respected?
- T/F __ I resist setting boundaries because I fear how people will react — those backlashes.
- T/F __ I don’t get mad easily, but when I do…
- T/F __ I count on anger to put teeth into my boundaries.
- T/F __ Somehow, my boundaries never seem to stick.
- T/F __ I could maintain my boundaries easier if I didn’t feel guilty about setting them
Did you answer true to any of these? If you did, that serves as a signal. It can help you avoid common pitfalls that lead to circular efforts and frayed nerves.
And here are some tips to help you set your best boundaries AND maintain them.
1. Don’t set boundaries out of anger.
If you are not ready to set a boundary calmly, you are not ready to set it at all. Avoid the temptation to work off of righteous indignation. No matter how you may rationalize an angry ultimatum, others will rightly feel blamed and resent it. You may well encounter punishing behavior, feel inwardly guilty, and then revert back to the same unsatisfying routines.
Instead, work through any current crisis as calmly as possible. Let others know you will be thinking about ways to avoid similar situations in the future and start creating a game plan.
2. Accept full responsibility for your end.
You will find it easiest to set boundaries if you take full responsibility for any role you play in becoming overextended. Make it clear that you will be changing your time choices accordingly, and request others’ cooperation.
3. When tested, keep your cool.
You may encounter some grumbling or lack of follow-through in others. But by remaining reasonable yourself, you avoid providing others with a rationale for acting out. It will be easier for you to maintain your boundary. And this leaves others to wrestle with their own resistance.
In other words, by acting fairly, you create your own comfort zone. And the less reactive you are to others, the more quickly their testing behavior will subside.
If you find you slip back into old patterns, don’t be harsh with yourself. Simply pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back on track. With practice, setting boundaries calmly and effectively will become the new normal.
Now, what is your next move in using your best boundaries to safeguard your time?
Here’s more help:
Setting and maintaining boundaries is a skill that makes everything else in your life possible. And it’s a difficult challenge for lots of smart, motivated people. People like you. “Your Secret Power: How to Honor Your Time and Claim Your Space with Boundaries” gently steers you to a more profound understanding of where and how your boundary-setting efforts get short-circuited. Not only that, but it helps you establish the boundaries you need to unlock the door to your freedom. Boundary-setting is a skill that’s learnable, doable and definitely within your reach. And the strategies, tips and exercises in “Your Secret Power” help you discover how to:
- Set and maintain boundaries to enhance your productivity and, yes, make more money;
- Recharge your energy so you have the time and freedom to do what you value and what you’d like to do in your life; and
- Learn how to say no, which opens the door to your next big Yes.
Ready to start using boundaries to maximize your time and energy? Click the link below to learn more about this transformative time tool and the bonuses that come with it:
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